Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
