i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
