I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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