cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
