I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
