she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
