You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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