STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
