I hope mine doesn't look like that
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
