So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
