your room smells of hookers.
And success
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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