all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
