My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
