He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
