Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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