ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
