What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
