My brain says no but my pants say off.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
