Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize