Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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