White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
