So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
