My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
