Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My bed smells like the plague
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
