i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize