the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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