This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize