somebody snuck up and got me drunk
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Found your dick twin last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
