Are we in a gay sports bar?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
