ADVERTISEMENT

• (925): View more from California

  Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.

  Fav 47 5873 1733

  share tweet
  

• (646): View more from New York

  The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.

  Fav 87 4427 1378

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (416): View more from Ontario

  Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.

  Fav 10 1368 3432

  share tweet
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.

  Fav 23 4746 728

  share tweet
  

• (636): View more from Missouri

  Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent

  Fav 12 2283 1100

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.

  Fav 8 678 898

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (816): View more from Missouri

  He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.

  Fav 1 971 634

  share tweet
  

• (770): View more from Georgia

  My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony

  Fav 1 453 349

  share tweet
  

• (810): View more from Michigan

  if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.

  Fav 1 753 389

  share tweet
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch

  Fav 0 245 217

  share tweet
  

• (206): View more from Washington

  It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.

  Fav 1 15 73

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me

  Fav 0 17 61

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!

  Fav 0 59 15

  share tweet
  

• (618): View more from Illinois

  It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit

  Fav 4 108 15

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.

  Fav 0 57 3

  share tweet
  

Randomize