My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she peed on how many people?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize