and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
