I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
