DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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