Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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