I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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