I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
