Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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