He kissed a someone with a penis
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
