Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize