walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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