I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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