I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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