I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
And then he peed in my hair
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