Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize