The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So vagazzling was a success
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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