she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
