No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
