yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize