you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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