and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
