last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
