i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you traded sex for a burrito?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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