k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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