would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
