ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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