thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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