that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
