I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
