and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I understand Curling. That high.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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