My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
