You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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