if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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