just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
