he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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