If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
