you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
