he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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