I puked a lego.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
In America we eat man semen.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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