I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
