Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
