Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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