After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
