This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
