New invention idea: vibrating tampons
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize