Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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