as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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