College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
