she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
