I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
