My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
